butch · butch/femme · erotica · femme · heterocentrism · homophobia · lesbian · sex · Straightbians

Lesbian Sex Myths

Screenshot 2018-01-27 11.49.19.png


Firstly, we don’t call having sex, having “lesbian sex”, we just call it sex.

Now, for as long as straight people have been writing about and portraying supposed sex between “lesbians”, they have been misrepresenting us. This includes pornography, movies, books, academia, and especially straight people who “identify” as “lesbian” and write under our name. There are many lies being perpetrated, even by the supposed “lesbian” media. (AfterEllen and Diva, I’m looking at YOU). 

There is only one thing that defines “lesbian sex” and that is sex involving one or more lesbians. Yes, I count masturbation as sex. Many lesbians will have sex with straight women, I’m not sure whether to define that as “lesbian sex” or not. I have never had sex with a straight woman so I don’t really feel qualified to make that call. What do you think readers?

The following is a list of things that straight people claim about “lesbian sex”.

  • Lesbians use sex toys.  – WRONG – some do, some don’t.
  • Lesbians have penis envy.  – WRONG WRONG WRONG!!!! 
  • Lesbians use a strap-on.  – WRONG – some do, some don’t. We also don’t consider a strap-on to be a dick/dick substitute!!!
  • Lesbians enjoy and/or have oral sex. – WRONG – some do, some don’t.
  • Lesbians are into BDSM. – WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!!! Some lesbians may enjoy some types of role-play. BUT there are things that NO lesbian is into; such as public sex, incest/paedophilia/rape play, anything involving urine/excrement or extreme/non-consensual bodily harm. As a general rule, we are far more into pleasure than afflicting/enduring pain. 
  • Lesbians enjoy being penetrated or penetrating other lesbians. – WRONG!! SOME DO, SOME DON’T.
  • Lesbians are either a “top” or a “bottom”. – WRONG!!! It depends on individual preferences and there are not “rules”.
  • Butch/Femme sex is defined by the butch being the “top” and the femme being the “bottom”. – WRONG WRONG WRONG!!! – There are no “rules” when it comes to butch/femme sex. However, butches do suffer with dysphoria and may be uncomfortable receiving sexual touch. This is something for individual couples to work through and does not imply that sexually a butch is a “top” and a femme is a “bottom”. It is ridiculous heterosexual terminology that does NOT apply to Lesbians.

This topic has also been addressed very well by my friends Saye Bennett and Dirt in posts too numerous for me to list here so for more information please check out their blogs.




18 thoughts on “Lesbian Sex Myths

  1. I’ve been out for almost 20 years and have only just heard of lesbians referring to themselves at tops or bottoms (all thanks to YouTube naturally). It’s left me completely baffled, I wouldn’t consider myself either and I can’t fit any of my ex’s into those boxes. I sometimes wonder if now there’s more acceptance of homosexuality we try to come up with new ways to confuse and alienate straight people! 😀


      1. I’d argue that the language itself, every language, comes from heterosexuals. It is a heterocentric world, and we borrow terms/concepts from them. Yes it’s a commonly used term amongst gay men but the notion of top/bottom as sexual positions goes back to the pederesty of the ancient Greek and Roman world. Back then they weren’t homosexual-specific terms. All women, young men, boys and slaves were considered to be “bottoms” and only men of a certain age and rank were “tops”. This was a mainstream heterosexual way of defining sexuality and had nothing to do with biological homosexuals.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Jeezus…I didn’t know we were talking ANCIENTY history here. I’m referring to modern usage. For that matter, I am sure there were lesbians and gay men in the barbarian world as well….far before Greeks invented the alphabet.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I agree and I think that based on gender dysphoria it makes it harder for lesbians to identify publicly. Also in this society, its hard to come out. Much to many people’s dismay.


  2. I’d recommend studying the way in which sexuality was codified in the ancient world. It’s fascinating. But keep in mind that action does not equal orientation. There were homosexuals in the ancient world but there was no name for us. Everything was defined in relation to positions of power rather than orientation.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Oh, I’ve been reading this and a couple of blogs from Sayye. I’m struggling with responses, I do not fully agree with some of what each of you have written, but I get it that people form opinions based upon their own life experiences – that’s the only way it can happen! So, everyone gets to have their own views. I’m a bit confused by the word “straighbian” I’ve never heard it until I read Sayye’s blog. We live in an ever changing world, and humans do not deal well with change to begin with. I think sometimes we are threatened by change. And threatened when younger generations start to change things we thing we “own” in some weird way – like vocabulary for instance. Sex is a mental and intimate physical interaction between two consenting adult humans, no matter what you wanna call it – it’s sex. Straight people do it. Gay people do it. And some do it both ways. It’s all just personal preference, and what’s going on at the time it happens. Why is it always lesbians who get so damned hung up on owning the word ‘lesbian’? That’s the part I don’t get. If two women engage in sexual acts with each other it’s lesbian sex. But, it doesn’t mean that they have to call themselves lesbian, unless it does. All these new fangled terms just muddy the waters, along with their wild and wide variety of “definitions” so to speak. I swear, as I get older I relate less and less with the entire “gay community” because I just don’t speak the same language anymore! Keep on writing! I enjoy the reads! Peace. ~MB


    1. We are so damn hung up about it because people like you confuse action with orientation and refer to being a lesbian as a sexual “preference”. You clearly don’t believe we are any different to straight people other than who we choose to fuck. Well guess what, straight women have sex with women for any number of reasons. My point is that we are born lesbians and therefore have a homosexual orientation BUT being born a lesbian is more than just who we desire sexually. Perhaps you don’t recognise our language because you don’t understand how biological lesbians think. Being a lesbian is what we ARE, not what we do. However, everything we do and say stems from what we are, which is why it is so easy to tell a straightbian from a lesbian.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes! What Genuine Femme said! ^^^^^^^

        We are so “hung up” on it because actual LESBIANS (who we ALL should care about…geez!!) are being HURT by STRAIGHTBIANS (AKA: straight women who are pretending to be Lesbians):

        Not only on a personal level by wasting our valuable time, energy, and potential romantic interest in them — but also on a global level through calculated LIES by Straightbians about Lesbians which have been published for many years now and are still being published today.

        Straightbian LIES which have been published and spread about Lesbians include bizarre and completely untrue claims like: “Lesbians fantasize about having sex with men”; “Lesbians DO have sex with men”; “It’s a CHOICE to be a Lesbian”; “Butch/Femme is just playacting/mimicking heterosexuals”; etc. etc. etc.

        The fact that ANYONE cannot see how these LIES would be harmful to LESBIANS on a GLOBAL level is mind-boggling.

        Being a Lesbian is NOT all about “personal preference” — FFS!

        “Personal preference” is liking chocolate versus vanilla ice cream.

        “Personal preference” is turning off comments on a blog because of offensive drivel like someone saying our innate orientation is a “personal preference”.

        BEING A LESBIAN IS NOT A DAMN “PERSONAL PREFERENCE”. Conversion therapy does not work….and why is that??? BECAUSE BEING A LESBIAN IS NOT A DAMN CHOICE AND IT IS NOT ALL ABOUT SEX EITHER. What part of THAT isn’t making sense????????????

        Sorry that I am angry, and please feel free to modify or delete my comment. Grrrr….

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s