butch · butch/femme · erotica · femme · lesbian · sex

Butch/Femme Fiction vs. Reality

I write fiction and I spend a lot of time in the fictional worlds of books, tv, and my own inner world of make-believe. However, I am very aware of what is fiction and what is reality.

The distinction is very important, especially because the way in which butch/femme lesbians are understood by many is based, falsely, on fictitious representation.

Fictional depictions of sex, whether erotica or visual pornography, are just that, FICTIONAL!!! But this becomes a problem when people don’t recognise that fiction doesn’t actually represent reality.

The fiction I write is mostly short story erotica that involves role play, mostly D/s (dominance/submission), and it’s a hot read if you’re into it. But it is fictional!!! It does not represent in any way, shape, or form the nature of my own sex life or the nature of my relationship or any other butch/femme relationship. Erotica is not real life, fantasy role-playing (whether in fictional writing or acted out in real life) is just that, role-playing. See, here’s the thing, most of the butch/femme erotica available has some degree of BDSM content. Some of it written by us, but usually not. Does it represent our lived realities? NO! Is it what all butch/femme couples are into? No! Are our lives just an extension of a fictionalised role-play? NO!!

Here is a list of FALSE myths about Butch/Femme relationships:

Myth: The Butch is the “man” and the Femme is the “woman” in the relationship.

Myth: The Butch makes the rules in the relationship.

Myth: Femmes are side-kicks to their dominant butch partner.

Myth: All Butch/Femme relationships are D/s.

Myth: Butch/Femme is full time sexual role-play.

All of the above are FALSE!!!!

What is the reality??? Real, functional butch/femme relationships are an equal partnership between two lesbians. We live normal lives in normal dwellings, doing normal things. Sounds terribly dull I know (sorry to disappoint). While there are some things that are unique to butch/femme relationships, both sexually and in the way we be/act/live in the world; it has nothing to do with role-playing or mimicking heterosexual relationship dynamics. First and foremost we are both LESBIANS and our relationships reflect that. The truth is far from most fictitious representations, whether sexual or otherwise, but, in truth, it is SOOOO much better. ❤



3 thoughts on “Butch/Femme Fiction vs. Reality

    1. I’ve watched a couple of episodes. They aren’t even in the ballpark of butch/femme. I don’t even think they even resemble genuine lesbian characters. There are no butch/femme couples on TV. I’ve never seen a real butch or a real femme character in TV.
      Like I said in my blog, butch/femme isn’t about femininity and masculinity. It’s not performance of gender. It’s just us being our lesbian selves.


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